


conditional dissonance

by gigalomancy



Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Gen, Late Night Conversations, two bros chillin. they are just chillin there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:40:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24295993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gigalomancy/pseuds/gigalomancy
Summary: in which i take that throwaway line about benrey calling out to tommy like “an old bro” in the commentary and fuckin run with it
Relationships: Benrey & Tommy Coolatta
Comments: 2
Kudos: 91





	conditional dissonance

**Author's Note:**

> so this is kind of an interpretation of i think end of act 2? whenever bubby fucks off into space. post that. it’s not *really* an interpretation but like i don’t think anything disproves this and it’s also fun 2 imagine so yeah.
> 
> this is completely unedited i have no clue what this is. i was like “i’m gonna write this as least seriously as i possibly can” but then i gave up on that so this is just here now. confused as fuck but vibing. motifs and comparisons are all over the place and fucked. enjoy.

The tile floor is cold. It’s hardly the least uncomfortable place Tommy’s slept in - the last few days have been but a showcase of that. But the other rooms were warm. Sickeningly so, but warm. Here it is cold. Here, sleep is seemingly impossible.

Wind flows through an open crevice in the wall, cornered by metal. Someone should’ve turned this off, he thinks to himself, but he doesn’t move from his position on the floor. All he does is sit up a little, knees to his chest, gently prodding the floor with his knuckles in a rhythmic beat.

It is cold when they touch. The floor drains every inch of warmth from it’s surroundings. Unforgivingly. The wind outside is deafening.

Moonlight and light of broken stars trickle through the opening, reflected and thrown right back into the sky. It echoes against the walls of the command station room, radiant glimmers of reflections upon reflections of space.

Tommy turns to face space. Instead, he is confronted by a dark silhouette, staring right at him with glowing, white eyes.

He almost doesn’t notice it at first. He thinks it is part of the sky, for what else could there be out there? The United States Military was completely wiped out according to his good friend Coomer. But it turns its head, and he realises that those aren’t stars he’s looking at. And now, he notices the small details of a human - he thinks - form. Of course, the eyes are most obvious. But then there are edges of fabric creases, a soft white outline, a visible downturned nose. The figure turns its head, and it catches beams of space. White light laps at the figure’s helmet. It opens its maw to speak.

“yo”

And with that Tommy feels at ease.

“Hey, Benrey!” 

His whisper is barely a downgrade from his regular tone. It is just as loud, just a tad more hiss-y.

“let’s go outdoors my dude,” he says, still rather still. “don’t wanna wake these bitches up.”

“Outdoors?” Tommy casts a glance at the splayed out forms of his gang, who look pretty fucking sound right then and there. He turns back to Benrey, who’s in turn, turning towards space.

“yeah, outdoors,” he looks at Tommy, stare as blank as it usually is. He ever so slightly cocks his head towards the empty red clearing ahead. He is still half out the window.

“But that’s through a window, kind of thing, how is that outdoors?”

“damn yeah guess it’s outwindows.”

Tommy gets up knee-by-knee, letting out a little “hooh” as he does. He walks over to where Benrey’s standing...or, was. Benrey had in fact just rolled himself out the window.

Tommy leapt over and crawled under the space gently, skipping forwards and regaining his step. Benrey made a noncommittal noise beside him, and waved a hand over to the deep, metal crater that previously held a fuck ton of rockets. All that remained now was a stinging, sharp smell, acrid and laced with burning. The two walked rather quickly, sand crunching under their feet like someone sitting on a pile of chips packets.

It’s still windy. But it doesn’t feel cold here, like it did inwindows. The air is thick, but in the most exquisite way. It is warmer here. This here is pleasant.

Once they reached the crater Benrey kicked himself to the side and settled himself in his trademark position, which was pretty much the human equivalent of a fucked up folding chair. Steady, still and straight (in posture). 

Right next to him Tommy sat, cross-legged.

“so,” Benrey starts, almost immediately. “what’s up with you why aren’t you asleep.”

“I don’t really need to sleep,” Tommy shrugs, after a long pause. “Soda’s a really good source of energy, you know. It keeps you going for days.”

“uh-huh,” he accepts this as fact. “that’s. that’s really cool thanks for sharing.”

“No problem,” Tommy beams. 

Unexpectedly, Benrey laughs. It’s quiet. Gentle. 

Or perhaps, it was expected. 

Tommy had heard this laugh before, plenty of times. Benrey laughed at the slightest things, waving them off as “oh it’s just funny to me don’t worry” and other similar excuses. Sometimes it caught him off-guard. But it was always pleasant to hear.

Others didn’t seem to notice this, though Tommy didn’t blame them. Benrey was...far less cordial with strangers. What he put on with the others wasn’t a facade, though. Benrey was just like that - a cool albeit stubborn dude. He was steadfast and resilient as all hell. And he was still like this, now. That doesn’t change, who a person is. There may be shells but they do not compare to layers, and there is no shell that is solid. 

Tommy knows someone of shells, someone who he still appreciates. It is not the shell he sees and wants to understand, but the cracks it has. Tommy is a smart cookie. Everyone knows this. But Mr. Freeman remains an enigma, unbreakable by any cookie. 

At least for now.

So instead, while he is here, he turns to someone he knows. And that person sits there intently, wordlessly, as he often does.

“what up,” he says.

“Oh, it’s nothing, I’m just thinking.”

“bout what.”

“...things.”

“thought so.”

“It’s not the hardest guess in the world, you know.”

Benrey’s eyes are wide now, catlike disks of white. It’s not the clearest out here, but Tommy thinks he’s smiling.

It’s a little silent, next. The two sit still, the only sounds their own muffled breathing, Tommy tapping on the metal edge, distant calls of space...there’s a lot of space stuff going on tonight. It was probably just the rockets. 

The rockets...

“Wait, hold up. I thought you were like...burned to death, what happened to you?”

“gonna take much more than that to kill me.”

“Yeah, I guess. But then you...wait no, you were there...but you floated away again? Into space.”

“yeah.”

“Uh, why? And how did you even do something like that-”

“you’ll see.”

“What’s that meant to mean?”

Benrey shrugs.

“don’t worry about that.”

Tommy fidgets in place for a second, before repositioning himself in a position similar to Benrey. He waves his legs back and forth over the crater, knuckles supporting his chin as he looks nowhere in particular.

Benrey watches him, still quiet, before going, “how you holding up. shits been wild.”

Tommy pauses before he answers. It’s much longer than usual. “Fine. I’m fine.”

“just fine.”

“I mean, it’s been really, really fun! To get to hang out with you all. Don’t get me wrong, it’s been great being with you guys but...,” he says, then sighs, looking down, and then he regains himself, making eye contact with pure space again. An empty, lone vacuum. Entrapment. “I miss the way things used to be. I miss Sunkist, a lot. I kinda wanna go home.”

He blinks.

“You know what else I missed? A lot of TV shows. I don’t even know how many days of TV programmes I’ve missed.”

“haven’t you watched those already?”

“Uh-”

“that, like. soda shit. makes you see faster or whatever.”

“Oh- oh yeah! Yeah, I guess I am caught up,” he twiddles with his fingers, and sighs, “I still miss Sunkist though. He’s the perfect dog, you know!”

“yeah. i don’t think dogs can be seen faster though so that kinda sucks.”

“It does! It really does. I’ve tried before, but...” Tommy sighs. He gesticulates wildly, trying to signify what he means through hand wiggles, before giving up and letting his shoulders sag and his head drop.

The two sigh together, an act of synchronised mourning? Grief? Disappointment? Whatever it is, not the best emotion.

“At least we’ll be out of here soon! That’s what everyone else told me,” Tommy sits up, rejuvenated. “And then I’ll spend my entire life with Sunkist, just like I planned!”

“cool,” Benrey says. His voice is noncommittal and almost sounds bored. 

But that is typical.

“It sure is.”

Tommy’s smile is a little lopsided, but it is there nonetheless. Benrey completes it, looking vaguely amused himself. And the two are quiet, momentarily, and the two start to talk again seconds later.

“You do remember him, though, right?”

“yeah i do. perfect dog.”

“Perfect dog!” Tommy agrees. “His golden fur which is like the colour of wheat cereal poured into a yellow bowl, his eyes that are like pennies made of rocks...”

“i remember all that. you brought him with you one day, yeah?”

“I did! I remember you got really excited to meet him! That’s like...the most excited Benrey I’ve ever seen!”

Benrey laughs. Again, that nice, genuine one. He rubs the back of his neck bashfully.

“sunkist good,” he simply explains.

“Yeah...he is,” Tommy nods. He looks awkwardly to the side for a moment, before clearing his throat with a cough and starting to speak once more.

“You know what I’d really like though? More than anything?”

“mmmgh.”

“More than seeing Sunkist again,” Tommy’s hands are open wide, and he himself looks surprised at his own thoughts. “I’d like to see you be happy, Benrey.”

His fixed stature loosens at this. His eyes squeeze shut a little.

“i am,” he says.

“I didn’t mean to imply otherwise! But you just seem very...congested, lately. I don’t know why but I’m sending you Sunkist vibes to help!”

Tommy snaps a fingergun at him.

Benrey looks at him for a second. And he snaps one back.

“thanks. good vibes.”

He contemplates saying more. He contemplates the idea of confessing what he’s seen and what he plans to do about it.

But in the end? He allows himself the benefit of a shell. One of ignorance and irresponsibility. But he lets himself have it, and savour it, just tonight. While everyone else is gone for a while, and he’s only here with Tommy.

By all means he should feel trapped. At least, according to physics, and reality, all all those bad bitches he doesn’t really like to follow anyway. But metaphorically speaking, with all those at metaphorical play, the vacuum he’s in feels like one made entirely of metaphorical freedom. 

He turns to Tommy once more.

“you sure you don’t wanna sleep?”

Tommy makes a low dismissive noise that vaguely sounds like a cat coughing up a furball. He adds, “I will be just fine, sitting here. I’d love to talk more, really. How was space?”

Benrey blinks, perplexed. And once again, as is typical with Tommy, he smiles, and he says, “pretty nice. i saw like 10 galaxies collapse on themselves and 8 stars explode that was pretty cool i guess.”

“Ohhhh, anything else?”

“i was there for like 5 minutes, tommy. couldn’t see much shit.”

“You sure? You remember nothing else?”

“uh, i guess there were some planets....also exploding. and like. i saw a bunch of universes collide.”

“That sounds neat! How did you even know what that looks like?”

“experience.”

“That’s so cool...”

“yeah.”

He sighs.

“guess so.”


End file.
